My Personal Tensions in a Shell

The Setup-

I was the girl who followed others like it was second nature. Starting in elementary school and through the beginning of high school, I never thought for myself because I was scared of what other people would think or say. I was always the quiet one at birthday parties, car rides, or school class activities. I was used to being shy and comfortable in my sparkly shell.

The What-

Being a shy girl was never easy. I would get so scared if the teacher ever randomly called on me or if a stranger talked to me for the first time. I was never the first one to strike up a conversation. As I got older, I found it easier to let people make decisions for me. They would decide who I hung out with or where I spent my time after school. I didn't want to make myself vulnerable for others to shoot me down.

Yet ironically enough, I've seen and let various people walk all over me. They would take advantage of my shyness. Friends would leave me out of after school hangouts because they were mean and that's what they did to bond I guess. I would get talked about behind my back and not do anything about it because I had no voice.

I wanted so hard to break my sparkly shell and be who I truly was. I wanted to be fearless and not care about what other people would think of my opinions.

Then, sophomore year of high school, I was chosen to go to a Leadership Seminar. There was only one person from each high school in Northern California that attended, so no one knew anyone and there were no cliques. I saw this as an opportunity to completely put myself out there with no reservations about what some stranger would think of me. Not only were the people welcoming and friendly, but they didn't use that as an opportunity to leave me out or talk bad about me. These students were the wakeup call life had been waiting to throw my way.

The So What-

My inner conflict within myself was my shyness and that ate me up for about my whole life. I was so scared about making myself a part of society because I didn't want to be judged for it. So I found it easier to let others control my actions and opinions. Yet that backfired and I ended up being more hurt because of it. But I think the real point of my inner conflict was for me to learn that I'm not a follower or a quiet soul, I'm a leader with a sassy opinion! 

The Now What-

Looking back, I can still feel the pain of friends stabbing me in the back. But that is only experiences that I can say made my skin thicker. I will not let the influence of others affect the way I perceive myself. I learned that I am a human being with my own set of values that are even stronger now and I will not give anyone the permission to treat me the way I don't want to be treated. 

Hence the sparkly shell comes into play. I believe everyone has a shell that at some point that needs to be broken. Mine however is sparkly because I am a woman with a sparkly personality that was waiting to be shared with the world. (And I just love sparkles.)

However if I didn't learn to foster this mindset then I would still be getting stabbed in the back and walked over. The world is full of people who are looking to build themselves up by tearing other people down. But it is up to us to surround ourselves with positive influences who have just as much self respect for themselves as we have for ourselves.


Sometimes, I find it easy to retreat back to my old quiet ways, but then I remember the quote that I will live by for the rest of my lifetime, "Life begins when your comfort zone ends."